on seeing the world through cleaner glasses

What to write, I ask myself? After two weeks or so of keeping up this blog, it's hard to stay fresh and think of new ideas. The truth is, there's actually a lot going on, you just can't see it. Being alone has really brought me into a different mindset. I was scared, at first, at the thought of all this alone time and solitude. I'm beginning to realize that being alone is the best way of resetting your own personal clock and understanding why things are the way they are.

A good example of this came today, actually. First, at work, there was a discussion of the physical size of Gallup, which is very small. The population size also came up (~20,000). This topic arose because I asked about another health care facility within the Navajo Area Indian Health Service, called Chinle. The overwhelming agreement amongst my colleagues was that Chinle is located in a region much to remote to inhabit, and that because of this fact (and other factors, I'm assuming) is undesirable. I commented that I like how small Gallup is.  Then at the Wal-Mart this afternoon, I saw some girls dressed in fashions that may have been popular in the early nineties using their mobile phones to text their friends, and saying catty things to one another. A few things occurred to me, chief among them the support for my earlier theory that popular culture totally flew by this town for the past 50 years. Also, the desirability of a place to live and a lifestyle to live ultimately might can be pared down to personal relativity; that is to say that something might only be desirable or undesirable because of what you can compare it to. In addition to one's personal preferences, of course, but that's also influenced by one's experiences in life.  Many of the things I took for granted in DC are novelties here, and I've come to realize that a lot of it just complicates things in one's life.

Where am I going with this? Well, I came to the realization today that with everywhere I've been, and all the different places I've lived, I've kind of just wanted peace and quiet, but always got embroiled in something else that kept me away from peace and quiet. The noise of other people scurrying about can be deafening, and if you don't know how to block it out, then life can be a little difficult sometimes. It's very quiet here in Gallup, even when it's busy, and I imagine it's even more quiet in Chinle. I no longer feel like that's to be considered a negative.

I loved living in DC.  I made a lot of good friends, and it's a beautiful city.  At the same time, I also feel like DC kind of chewed me up and spit me out.  Living in the "big city" is great for some people, and I would never knock the merits of living in a major metropolis.  But I've lived in Annapolis, Berlin, Baltimore, DC, and now Gallup.  Even though I'm in the minority (race-wise) in Gallup, I feel closer to self-actualization than I've ever been before.  I know I'm generalizing here, but there's a lot of self-created drama amongst the middle class in large cities (myself included).  In Gallup, most people seem more occupied with more fundamental concerns (like how they are going to earn their next paycheck), and this offers a certain clarity of vision that perhaps is lacking in places like DC.

Maybe this is all symptomatic of a larger problem.  Mobile phones, cable TV, Facebook, etc; these are all things that we've embraced as a means of staying in touch with other human beings, and by extension, adding to our life's fulfillment.  In a sense, however, this keeps us from knowing ourselves better because we are so occupied with getting to know someone else.  Thoughts?

why am i whittling?

Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light means slow down, not speed up.  

Ah, Kyle McLachlan, where have you been all my life?  I just watched the first episode of "Twin Peaks," which was super entertaining.  I highly recommend.  KM is an FBI agent who goes to a small town in the Pacific NW to solve a murder case, and is shown that the seemingly innocent town has a dark side to it.  I haven't stumbled upon any dark side in Gallup, but there's definitely a small-town vibe here.

This weekend I went out with my friends Brendan and Gil in Albuquerque, and we really messed up the place.  We went out dancing and good times were had by all.  I ate dinner at an area called Nob Hill, around UNM.  There's an area called "The Brick Light District," which is (I'm assuming), where potential reality-show contestants hang out.  I walked around a bit, then drove around a bit.  I haven't been here two weeks, and already I was really turned off by the congestion and noise of downtown Albuquerque, and the weird Manson Family vibe I got from the Brick Light District.  I really liked living in DC, but now that it's quiet all the time where I live, I've really come to enjoy it.  It's nice to be able to hear yourself think all the time, and it's so much less taxing to not have to block people out all the time.  

So I may not be whittling quite yet, but I've most certainly started slowing down for those yellow lights.  

the politics of dancing

(picture today courtesy of one of my favorite blogs, Monkeys For Helping)

I went to work hard for the money the first time today.  So many impressions, I don't really know where to begin.  Again, everyone's really nice, although I've kind of worn that one out on this blog thus far.  I guess not all Federal Government Hospitals are equal, as evidenced by the glaring disparity between NIH and the Gallup Indian Medical Center.  Although one thing I noticed right off the bat was that they clearly put patient care before administrative concerns.  That is not to say that NIH doesn't make patient care issues a priority; towards the end of my employment there, however, I was beginning to feel like the organization was a little top-heavy, and that the leadership was accordingly limited in its ability to fully and accurately assess the needs of its patients and their caregivers.  As another Federal healthcare entity, I suppose that only time will tell if GIMC is at its core the same way or different.

It turns out that I'm going to be here for the Navajo Festival, the second weekend of September.  I'm pretty stoked, it sounds like fun.

I was talking with a good friend of mine about the social and ethnic stratification (as it were) that exists here.  Please note that this is based purely on anecdotal information.  There seem to be three predominant ethnic groups here: the Anglos (whites), Hispanics/Mexicans/Latinos, and the Native Americans (comprised of the various tribes in the region, chief among them the Navajo, Hopi, Zuni, Ute, Apache, or any of the other tribes--please to note that there is no noun for "indian" in the very complicated Navajo language).  How do I know this, you ask?  Well, for starters, it's been on every single form I've filled out, including my application for a library card.  On the surface, this seems very easy, to group everyone into these various categories, and I think that for purposes of co-existing, everyone more or less puts up with it.  But the distinctions between the various subgroups is where the problem lies.  Because the Spanish settled this area first, those of Spanish descent prefer to be called Hispanic, and object to being called Latino or Mexican.  It doesn't seem to matter the other way around.  The Navajo and the Hopi seem to have an on-going land-related dispute.  The Anglos aren't stratified at all.

Altogether, this creates an odd sort-of racial tension in the air.  Maybe I'm totally full of it, though, and am completely off target here.  However, having lived in both Baltimore and DC has given me unique experience in the co-existence of disparate racial groups.

Why all this analyzing, Sten?  So, after a week or so of observing the many and varied differences amongst the peoples of this area, I have come to the conclusion that as an Anglo, it is best if I just keep my mouth shut and don't say anything at all.  It seems that no matter what you say, you're bound to offend someone.  Plus, having descended from a group of people who probably played some sort of role in the genocide committed to the native peoples of the US, I have decided that I have everything to lose and nothing to gain by getting involved in the racial politics that I'm sure occur in this area with alarming frequency.

And you know, that ain't bad. I just hope that I can keep my big fat mouth shut and stay out of trouble.

first day

The Religious Society of Friends sometimes refers to "Sunday" as "First Day," as it is the first day of a new week.  

I went to Meeting today for the first time since I began my expedition.  I've been thinking all day about what I should write, and I still haven't totally figured it out yet.  First impressions: I'm the youngest by 30 years and this is a really small group (5?).  It's very different from the comparative hustle-and-bustle movers-and-shakers up at the Friends Meeting of Washington, but it really worked well.  There hasn't been a Meeting yet when I haven't come away being enriched spiritually and having learned something new, and today was no exception.

Something that came up after the meeting was the definition of an actual member of the Religious Society of Friends.  I've given some thought to pursuing this avenue, but have been conflicted by several personal hesitations.  If one is to truly desire to worship Jesus Christ as his or her own personal savior and call him or herself a Christian, then I would think that the pact between him/her-self and God would be the most important indicator of his or her Faith; carrying a card that states to which denomination of Christianity one belongs to seems like more of a worldly concern.  I suppose this issue could be viewed instead as a furthering of education about that denomination (or whatever religion, this could be another of those patterns to which I earlier referred) instead of a "confirmation," or "indoctrination."  I don't know if that makes any sense at all.

At any rate, I would like very much to learn more about the Friends, and also to become more involved; I am probably going to go through with the membership process and no longer be merely and Attender.  This does bring into light the contradiction inherent to many Christian denominations; sometimes the ritual can detract from the central issue, which is to Live the Word.

Enough of me on my soapbox.  Comments?

roving packs of dogs

My neighborhood has roving packs of dogs. Some of them have collars, some of them don't. Either way, it was slightly disconcerting to me one morning as I was reading the news outside with Worf. I don't quite know what to make of this. Neighborhood curiosity? Potential threat? Hilarious daily goings-on? I settled on the latter of those three. However, it has reminded me that I need to be sure not to settle in too quickly and get comfortable too fast. Balance is something I've striven for my whole life, and this is an excellent opportunity to test out newly-learned skills.

A good friend reminded me today of one of my initial goals of this project, which was to probe the depths of the relationship between ourselves, the Universe, and God, but on my own (at least for awhile). One more reason to not get too comfortable too quickly is to ensure focus on the big picture. In times of great upheavel, an argument can be made that focusing on the forest instead of the individual trees is important, or else things can become very overwhelming. That leads to frustration, and then things can get out of hand. That's when shenanigans happen, and nobody wants shenanigans.

Oh, so another going-on. A former co-worker of mine at NIH put me in touch with her son who lives in Albuquerque with his boyfriend. So we had emailed back and forth and on Friday I drove to ABQ and stayed the night with them. They are super awesome (I haven't asked if it's alright if I put their names in my blog) and I think that we can get up to all sorts of fun stuff in the future. They informed me of something I was happy to hear; they said that the gays here are more of the hippie variety, and not the circuit party variety. Good times were had by all. ABQ seems like a neat city, I look forward to getting to know it better. So, yeah, fun!

I slapped a collar on Worf and gave way to the inevitable; he is growing up and doesn't want to just stay inside all the time anymore. He has limited privileges now; if things go well, those might be extended.

I invited some of the dogs from the roving packs in to pose for my own personal interpretation of the art classic "Dogs Playing Poker." They kindly accepted, and are now ready, so I must go. Tot ziens!

more photogs from the land of enchantment

More photogs from the Land of Enchantment. Please to enjoy.

talking god

Talking God is the title of a novel by Tony Hillerman. Several people mentioned to me that Tony Hillerman is an author I should read. His literary topic of preference concerns mysteries in the setting of the Navajo community. I look forward to reading this book.

The picture today is of the final leg of the drive. I took that from my dashboard. Please to note the numerous bugs on the windshield, accompanied by bugs that you can't see on the grill. I have killed an alarming number of bugs throughout this trip, a feat of dubious intent, and one that I am ashamed to admit.

The house is very large. Too large, in fact. There is more room here than I have stuff for. I think that is better than having not enough room, though, so that's okay.

Worf is enjoying the outdoors quite a bit. Too much, in fact. Having him with me is not unlike having a child. I find myself being very concerned with his whereabouts and his present state. I wish I had that clock like in the Weasley's house in Harry Potter.

I think I figured out the big over-arching motif at play with my move out here. Besides a number of epiphanies about the way I was living my life, and the suffering inherent, I think one of the reasons everything is nice here is that everything is much, much slower. I imagine that when I start work, things will heat up a bit, but on the surface, everything proceeds at a different pace than anywhere else I've lived. It's almost as if this town is stuck 50-60 years ago in history, and that this is scarcely more than a silver boom-town that has been transitioning to ghost town for the last four generations. The Eisenhower-era Interstate-40 that runs above the town can't have helped anything. Route 66 is clearly a fascinating place, very dynamic with many different elements (not unlike the Mos Eisley bar in Star Wars IV). But unless you're a tourist or for commercial purposes, there's no reason to get off the main highway. As a result, the core industries of Gallup haven't really changed all that much, but it's almost as if all modern (or what I may think is modern) culture just up and forgot that Gallup existed. As someone who is very much an outsider, it is an interesting phenomenon to observe.

The sheer ease of living here stands out as one definite positive. I needed to hook up my power today, or rather, to transfer my name onto the bill. So, I went down to town hall and showed them my lease. That was this morning, and this afternoon the power guys came and hooked everything up. The library and the DMV are next to each other, around the corner from where I live. And there are no lines at either location.

So I may be totally FOS here, but I don't think I'm too far off. Depending on what one is used to, and what one can tolerate, a slower pace of living isn't so bad. DC is a cool city, but it's very complicated and nobody seems to ever know what's going on. Plus, there's always this Bureaucratic-Industrial-Complex that's designed to ruin your day.

Gotta run, I hear Imperial Storm Troopers on the move...