our protagonists prepare for departure

I had my going-away party last night. It went well, I think. There were a few tense moments when I didn't really know how to say goodbye to people as well as I thought I should have. This is a weird situation I've been placed in, and one where I'm not terribly familiar as to how one should proceed. I think that this is the first time I've ever left somewhere familiar and really been sad to go. The whole thing is a little bittersweet, which probably doesn't need any elaboration. There are so many pros about moving out to the SW; a great new job, the possibility of adventure, exposure to a culture with which I have no prior experience.  There are a number of cons as well, but I guess it doesn't really make all that much sense to dwell on that.  Part of the whole "Sten 2.0" thing that I have going on that seems to be working pretty well is a general disregard of potential consequences.  It's almost like, if you always attempt to act in the most positive manner possible, with 100% beneficence, you can generally be cautiously optimistic about the outcome of whatever action it is you're taking.  It's one of those big, broad patterns that are applicable to every day life that I'm trying out.  It seems to be working pretty well; mostly because I've removed the anxiety inherent to obsessing over choices and not being to make decisions.  I suppose there's always the possibility of everything blowing up in my face as well, but that's the risk one takes.  At any rate, the cons of moving out West are really neither here nor there; it's not going to change the decision I've made.  

As my date of departure approaches, I find myself withdrawing a little bit more each day into myself.  Once more, I am faced with the question of balance; what is a good balance to have between continuing relations and maintaining attachments to others in my life and preparing for the inevitable loneliness that I will surely face once I arrive in Gallup?  I must admit that I am increasingly taxed emotionally by the constant queries of my current emotional state in relation to my impending departure, although I am fully aware that it comes from a place of great support and love for me.  Perhaps I'm merely attempting to avoid the inevitable stress that accompanies dwelling on the topic of leaving.  Besides living in Germany, I've never lived anywhere else for a long period of time outside of this area of the country.  

One thing I'm grateful for is the ability to not obsess over this whole experience.  I think the medications have really helped out with this, and also constant awareness of my own personal propensity for transferring anxiety about one issue onto anxiety about another issue.  

I am very thankful for the opportunity to have had such an unbelievably blessed life here.  I am equally as thankful for the opportunity to have a new and different experience.